5 Tips to Preserve Family Bonds After an Autism Diagnosis: Supporting Your Child and Family

Receiving an autism diagnosis for your child brings a complex mix of emotions. Alongside the desire to provide the best possible support, it’s natural for parents and siblings to have worries or anxieties about how this will change family life. However, with love, understanding, and a few key strategies, your family can navigate this new chapter with resilience and unity. This guide offers 5 essential tips to strengthen those family bonds throughout your autism journey.

1. Focus on Understanding and Acceptance

Getting an autism diagnosis is a catalyst for learning. The more you understand about autism, the better equipped you’ll be to support your child and navigate challenges. Here’s where to start:

• Become an autism expert: Read reliable resources from organizations like the Autism Society (https://www.autismsociety.org/) or Autism Speaks (https://www.autismspeaks.org/). Focus on how autism manifests in your child specifically, such as sensory sensitivities or social communication differences.
• Embrace neurodiversity: Autism presents in a spectrum of strengths and challenges. Celebrate your child’s unique qualities, while working on areas where they need support.
• Educate siblings: Share factual, age-appropriate information with your child’s siblings to foster understanding and reduce confusion or potential resentment. Books specifically about autism for siblings can be helpful.

Understanding autism builds a foundation for acceptance within your family, fostering an environment where your autistic child can thrive.

How to increase my understanding of autism spectrum disorder?

Getting an autism diagnosis for your child launches a lifelong learning journey. Here’s how to deepen your understanding of autism to best support your child:

• Seek reliable sources: Focus on reputable organizations dedicated to providing evidence-based information:

• Autism Speaks: (https://www.autismspeaks.org/) offers resources for families and helps fund autism research.
• The National Autistic Society: (https://www.autism.org.uk/) provides information, support, and a focus on understanding individual autistic experiences.
• Government Resources: Check websites like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (https://www.cdc.gov/) for factual information and statistics about autism.

• Learn about sensory differences: Sensory sensitivities (hypersensitivity to lights, sounds, textures, etc.) are common in autistic individuals. Read about different types of sensory processing differences and how they might affect your child’s daily life.
• Explore social communication: Autistic individuals might have different social communication styles. Learn about challenges with nonverbal cues, understanding sarcasm, or difficulties in typical back-and-forth conversations.
• Embrace neurodiversity: Autism is a spectrum, meaning every autistic person has a unique combination of strengths and challenges. Avoid generalizing based on stereotypes and focus on understanding your own child’s specific needs.
• Listen to autistic voices: Seek out books, blogs, and social media accounts created by autistic adults. These offer invaluable firsthand perspectives on the experience of being autistic.

Important Reminder: Learning about autism is an ongoing process. Remain open to new information, attend workshops or conferences, and connect with other families on this journey. The more you understand, the better you can advocate for your child and create a supportive environment where they can thrive.

2. Communication is Key

Open communication is vital for any strong family, and even more so when navigating the complexities of an autism diagnosis. Prioritize creating a safe space for sharing feelings and supporting one another:

• Meet your child where they are: Learn their communication style. Is it mostly verbal, nonverbal, or do they use picture cards or a device? Adapt your own communication to ensure they’re understood.
• Encourage sibling voices: Let siblings know it’s normal to have mixed emotions. Validate their feelings while explaining their brother’s or sister’s differences in a compassionate way.
• Hold family meetings: Schedule regular times to check in with everyone. Talk about wins, challenges, and the kind of support each person needs, evolving this practice as your family’s needs change.
• Practical example: Scheduling “sibling time” If an autistic child has intensive therapy schedules, set aside at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted, one-on-one time for a neurotypical sibling to feel seen and heard, even if it’s just reading stories together.
• Social practice example: Role-playing conversations Help siblings practice what they might say to friends who ask questions about autism. Role-play different scenarios for how to answer kindly and informatively.

Strong communication helps everyone in the family feel heard and understood, which is vital during times of change or stress.

How do I make communication between my autistic child and their siblings easier?

Shared activities: Emphasize activities siblings can enjoy together even if they communicate differently. This could be parallel play (building blocks side-by-side), sensory activities (finger painting, playing in the sandbox), or simple games with clear rules.

Practical example: “Show and tell” for preverbal kids Encourage autistic children who aren’t yet talking to communicate preferences during play (“Do you want the red truck or the blue truck?”) by pointing or exchanging picture cards.

Social practice example: Modeling empathy Demonstrate how to talk about feelings related to autism: “Sometimes I feel frustrated when I can’t understand what my brother wants, but I’m learning how to help him!”

3. Prioritize Self-Care and Support Systems

Parenting any child requires incredible dedication, and supporting an autistic child can be especially demanding. Remember, you cannot give your best to your family if you are running on empty. Here’s why self-care isn’t selfish, but rather crucial:

• Avoid burnout: Parental burnout is detrimental to everyone. Prioritize sleep, healthy eating, and carve out time for activities you enjoy, even in small increments. Read my previous blog posts (here and here) about parental burnout. 
• Support groups: Connect with other parents of autistic children through in-person or online groups. Sharing experiences and getting support reduces feelings of isolation.
• Respite care: Explore respite options to give yourself a much-needed break. These services provide qualified individuals to care for your child while you recharge.
• Ask for help: Don’t be afraid to ask family, friends, or your wider community for help. Having others assist with meals, babysitting, or errands frees up valuable time and energy.
• Practical example: Self-care swap Partner with another autism parent for a “self-care trade” – taking turns watching each other’s children for an hour to allow for a solo errand, a bath, or just quiet time.

Consider checking out my book, “Ausome Parenting” for additional strategies and advice aimed at guiding new autism families (https://ausomeparentingbooks.com/my-books/). It emphasizes the importance of prioritizing your well-being for the benefit of the entire family.

How can I support my own mental well-being as an autism parent?

• Validate the emotional rollercoaster: Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel a mix of grief, worry, but also pride and determination. Encourage parents to seek therapy for themselves to process these complex emotions.
• Acknowledge your emotions: It’s normal to experience a rollercoaster of emotions – pride, worry, frustration, grief, and everything in between. Don’t feel guilty about these feelings. Name them, accept them, and seek healthy outlets to process them.
• Seek therapy: Consider individual therapy to provide a safe space to unpack complex emotions. A therapist specializing in supporting parents of children with special needs is especially valuable. They offer guidance and strategies specifically tailored to your challenges.
• Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can under often difficult circumstances. Avoid comparing your journey to others, focus on progress over perfection, and celebrate your resilience.
• Set realistic expectations: Accept that some days will be harder than others. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be a super-parent at all times. Prioritize basic needs for yourself (sleep, healthy food, some movement) before aiming for “extras.”
• Mindfulness & relaxation techniques: Even 5-10 minutes of deep breathing, guided meditation, or a calming activity can make a significant difference in stress levels. Explore apps like Calm or Headspace, or find relaxation videos on YouTube.
• Connect with other parents: Join a support group specifically for parents of autistic children, either in person or online. Sharing experiences, getting advice, and feeling less alone is a powerful form of self-care.
• Respite is not a luxury: Explore respite care options to get essential breaks. Caring for yourself is the only way to keep caring for your child long-term. This could mean paid respite services, asking a trusted family member, or exchanging childcare with another autism parent.

4. Adjust Expectations and Celebrate Milestones

An autism diagnosis may require you to redefine what you consider “normal” for your family. Focusing on progress over external expectations helps you and your child thrive:

• Celebrate all victories: Even a small sign of improvement deserves recognition. This could be learning a new word, successfully trying a new food, or making a friend on the playground.
• Focus on strengths: Highlight your child’s unique abilities and interests. Help them build on their existing strengths to boost confidence and self-esteem.
• Flexibility is key: Some days will go according to plan, others won’t. Be prepared to embrace detours and unexpected challenges. A flexible attitude reduces stress and helps you adapt and find success in even the most unpredictable circumstances.
• Practical example: Visual progress chart For longer-term goals, make a visual chart with your autistic child. It doesn’t have to be complex, even stickers marking progress towards reducing a certain meltdown trigger are incredibly motivating.
• Social practice example: Focus on effort, not just results: If an autistic child has difficulty participating in team sports, praise their efforts to listen to the coach and cooperate, even if they don’t score a goal.

Celebrating your child’s individual progress, regardless of how it compares to neurotypical peers, strengthens family bonds and creates a supportive environment focused on growth.

5. Make Time for Family Fun

Amidst therapies, doctor’s appointments, and focusing on skill building, it’s essential to carve out space for pure family enjoyment. Shared positive experiences build strong bonds and create lasting memories:

• Include special interests: Can your child’s love of dinosaurs be incorporated into a trip to the museum, or their train obsession into a special outing? Weaving special interests into family time makes them feel valued.
• Sensory-aware outings: Research autism-friendly events in your area, like sensory-friendly movie screenings or museum days. If going mainstream, prep your child beforehand and plan for potential breaks if needed.
• Focus on connection: Prioritize quality family time doing things everyone enjoys, whether it’s game nights, walks in nature, or simply reading together.
• Practical example: Sensory-friendly game night: Choose board games that are less overstimulating (fewer flashing lights, loud noises). Modify rules if necessary and focus on having a good time rather than rigid game completion.
• Social practice example: Shared storytelling Have each family member contribute a sentence to make up a silly story together. This builds on the autistic child’s strengths (imagination!) in a low-pressure way and encourages turn-taking.

Shared fun time offers the whole family respite from autism-related challenges and reinforces those essential feelings of belonging and love.

What are some autism-friendly activities I can do as a family?

Finding activities the whole family can enjoy is key to building connection after an autism diagnosis. Here’s how to choose autism-friendly outings and adapt mainstream activities with your child’s needs in mind:

1. Explore Sensory-Friendly Events

• Sensory-friendly movies: Many cinemas offer screenings with lowered volume, dimmed lighting, and relaxed rules about movement and noise. Check local listings for options near you.
• Museums and zoos: Search for special “sensory hours” at museums, zoos, or aquariums, often with smaller crowds, adjusted lighting, and designated quiet zones.
• Autism community events: Organizations like Autism Speaks (https://www.autismspeaks.org/) often host autism-friendly events like picnics, carnivals, or sports adapted for all ability levels.

2. Adapt Mainstream Activities for Success

• Sporting events: If a full game might be overwhelming, attend a shorter inning or practice session. Bring noise-canceling headphones and a favorite fidget toy.
• Restaurants: Choose off-peak times to avoid crowds. Ask for a quieter booth or practice ordering at home beforehand to reduce anxiety in the moment.
• Shopping trips: Go during less busy hours. Break the trip into smaller errands with play-breaks in between. Create a visual shopping list with pictures to help your child focus.

3. Focus on At-Home Fun

• Build a sensory fort: Turn your living room into a cozy space with pillows, blankets, and interesting textures. Add twinkling lights for a calming effect.
• Backyard camping: Enjoy the predictability of home but with the fun of an outdoor adventure. Roast marshmallows and make up silly campfire stories.
• “Special interest” nights: Theme a family evening around your child’s favorite topic. Dinosaur night could mean a documentary, making dino-shaped cookies, and reading a dinosaur book together.

Remember: The most important thing is togetherness. Choose activities that prioritize connection and modify anything that feels too overwhelming for your autistic child. Success builds confidence for future adventures!

Conclusion

An autism diagnosis brings change, but it doesn’t have to weaken your family bonds. By focusing on understanding, communication, attending to everyone’s needs, celebrating your child’s uniqueness, and making time for connection, your family can grow stronger together. These challenges can lead to deeper empathy, resilience, and unwavering love for each other on your unique autism journey.