Chances are that after a diagnosis, your child will be recommended for some kind of therapy.
With all the confusion, which ones are safe and will help, and which ones are harmful?
Who should you listen to?
In order to decide if a therapy is helpful or harmful for your child, please read the below and complete this checklist with your child’s provider.
Spotting Harmful Therapies
How do you know if your autistic child’s therapy is harmful?
Bad therapy can be abusive and has far reaching consequences like Increased anxiety, depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in later life.
What does the therapist hope your child will achieve with them?
What are they aiming to do?
Cure them?
Heal them?
Reduce their autism symptoms or make them less autistic?
If so, then please keep your child away from them.
If their goals are to help your child thrive as their autistic selves, to help them learn to successfully navigate a world they’re not built for, without betraying their nature – they’re worth keeping.
Ask yourself the below questions, and if you don’t like the answers, this therapist will not help your child to grow. In fact they may lock them into a cycle of stress and self-loathing that never ends.
Beware of therapists that describe themselves as using “the gold standard” of service and techniques. Steer clear of those who address lack of progress by pushing extra hours of therapy.
Always be ready to act if you see any of these signs. Your child’s future is your responsibility and yours alone. Don’t let false promises and slick sales techniques convince you that YOU aren’t in charge.
What are the warning signs of a harmful therapist? What can you see in your child’s plan that might signal danger?
- How about forcing or encouraging increased eye contact? Eye contact can be painful for autistic kids, can make it more difficult to listen, and divert their attention.
- Do they use the phrase “quiet hands” – stopping your child from stimming, which is vital for the regulation of their thoughts and feelings?
- Is the term “extinction burst” used to describe your child’s emotional reaction to being forced to do something that feels wrong for them
- Do they listen to your child’s pleas to stop when it gets too much for them?
- Do they treat meltdowns as if they were just tantrums?
- Do they think sensory needs should be combated or overcome, rather than respected?
- Is pushing your child to achieve results more important to them than preventing sensory overload?
- Do they understand the need for sensory breaks?
- Has your child’s behaviour ever been described as “attention-seeking”?
- Do they use “planned ignoring” as a teaching tool despite the distress being ignored can cause anyone, especially a child?
- Is the way your child chooses to play a problem to them? Are words like “inappropriate” used about the way they play – as if playing wasn’t just playing?
- Do they push your child repetitively to play “their way” without investigating their cognitive level or abilities?
- Do you see words like “dysfunctional” or “non-functional” in their reports or sales pitch?
- Do they insist on speech as being the ONLY acceptable way to communicate?
- Do they use sweets, treats, or privileges as tools to bribe your child into compliance?
- Is your child’s autonomy and right to self-determination respected the way you would?
So, what makes a GOOD therapist?
Good therapists help children with finding ways to communicate, fostering independence without pushing too hard, understanding sensory issues, self-advocacy, learning to jump or ride a bike, understanding how to assess people and situations for danger, processing emotions in a way that is self-validating, and learning many new things the child desires to enhance their life.
These therapists can be amazing.
So how can we spot these people?
How to spot a good therapist for your autistic child
- First things first, there is no “autism therapy”, only therapy for the many individual needs of each unique autistic person. Each of those needs has to be addressed separately and sensitively.
- Every autistic person has different needs. Effective therapists focus on your child’s needs, and what will help them navigate the world, not just what will make yours or their teacher’s lives easier. They respect your child’s needs & feelings – they need to see inside the child’s inner experience.
- Good therapy builds on a child’s intrinsic motivation to learn and connect with others. It’s a collaboration, not a battle. They will always ask but never tell your child how they feel.
- Has no expectations or aims for eye contact. Decent therapists aren’t bothered if your child doesn’t want to make eye contact. If they want to they will and they will learn when people like it to be used as time passes.
- Happily accepts your child’s harmless stimming. They also know that your child’s stimming is harmless to everyone and necessary for their peace of mind and concentration. Why stop it if it’s hurting no-one?
- Respects your child’s choice of communication– sign language, AAC, other… Does your child sometimes or always find speech uncomfortable? Their therapist will respect that and work with whatever kind of communication they feel OK with – sign language, written word, AAC or whatever works for them.
- A good therapist respects bodily autonomy. They don’t touch without permission or restrain children unless they’re in danger.
- Good therapy addresses root causes anxiety, sensory, cognitive). The best therapists know that the most efficient way to help an autistic child grow is not to work on their behaviour, but to work on the causes of that behaviour. Find what makes them anxious, hurts their senses or causes them distress so they don’t feel the pain that their behaviour has been communicating. Any plans or changes to routine will be designed as a collaboration between the therapist, parents and most importantly the child being helped. Therapy is about facilitating, not forcing change.
- The therapist talks about profiling and supporting sensory needs as these are so common. Sensory differences are a key aspect of our lives for most autistic people so the therapist will be learning about the sensory world of your child from day one. They’ll remove painful stimuli and help them understand how to cope with them when they can’t be avoided.
- Good therapy focuses on the child’s emotional wellbeing.
- A good therapist respects a child’s limits and encourages self-advocacy, even when a child communicates, “No”. Any goals that are set will be based on what the child wants to achieve, and with input from you – their parents, not what the therapist thinks are appropriate or based on arbitrary expectations of society. Children sometimes say “NO”. All worthwhile therapists know that it’s a powerful word and needs to be respected. It’s the child who sets the boundaries, not the person working with them.
- A good therapist will not rely on motivating through extrinsic rewards and punishments. When we train dogs we rely on punishment and reward to encourage them to comply. That’s not the way we help a thinking, feeling, reasoning human child to learn. It takes more effort to help a child understand the VALUE of working on something, but it’s the only way to respect their dignity.
- Connection is made without rewards, treats, or conditional access to special interests. Most autistic people have consuming passions – “special interests” as they’re sometimes called.
- When the child shows signs of distress, they are validated and unconditionally allowed to stop/avoid/access safe space – rather than pushing them through it or seeking compliance. They’ll be encouraged and listened to when they talk about their interests, because depriving access to these or refusing to engage with them is a form of punishment. That’s dog training again.
- A good therapist is kind, and trusts that a child is doing their best.
- There will be times when your child gets distressed in their sessions. The best therapists don’t fight it – they know that it’s a valid expression of real feelings. They don’t push your child to stop or get over it – they help them to feel safe.
- Unconditionally reduces demands when the child shows any sign of distress, however communicated. They are kind, tolerant and they trust the child they’re helping. They understand how hard change can be, especially for an autistic and they know that your child is doing their best. This is about your child’s well being, not fitting them into a standardized box. When those signs of distress start to show, they reduce the demands, maybe change tack for a while.
- The therapist is transitional, empowering parents and carers to support in the day to day. They know that using force only creates a temporary illusion of change, not long term change that will enrich their future. Therapy is a process and parents will need to make gradual changes as the process reaches different stages.
- The therapist will act as their guide through this, making them aware of all progress and how this will affect and enhance their family.
- A good therapist shows warmth and kindness at all times. No therapist needs to scold or be frosty to the child in their care. They will be warm, kind and inclusive – it’s the best way to achieve a rapport with your child and help them to grow. They will make progress because they feel PART of the process and wish to please, not because they are afraid of the consequences.
- The therapist is keen to learn from Autistic Adults. Autistic people spend most of their lives around people who are NOT autistic. Part of the aim of good therapy will be to help your child learn how to understand how non-autistic people are different to them and to understand them better. A child that knows this will be better equipped to teach those not on the spectrum how best to interact with them in the future.
- The child’s self-esteem is the key to growth. Sometimes it is not the experience that is negative but the way we interpret or react to it. Helping someone reframe that experience and understand they are not the problem themselves will help them retain their dignity and not resent their differences.
All autistic adults were autistic children once. The best therapists know this and, if they’re not autistic themselves, they’ll know that the best source of understanding, the most fertile ground for new information to help them improve their skills, is autistics who have grown up – which might even include YOU.
Therapists like this are not always easy to find, but if you find one, hang on to them, tell your friends why they are so good, post it online – even shout it from the rooftops – and watch as your child grows and learns to thrive.
A therapist like this will help your child will thrive.
The content above is taken from https://neuroclastic.com/ – a great resource for parent like you and me!