Imagine this scenario: your three-year-old child has yet to speak, causing concern. After visiting a specialist, you receive a diagnosis – autism spectrum disorder. Initially, you refuse to accept it, firmly believing that you know your child better than anyone. You can’t fathom any flaws in them, as the term “autism” seems to imply. However, it’s not the diagnosis itself that matters, but our perceptions and expectations of it.
Many parents view lack of verbal communication as a significant limitation for autistic children. This fear leads them to believe that without spoken language, their child cannot effectively communicate their needs, thoughts, and feelings. But this is often a misconception rooted in the assumption that speech is the only valid form of expression.
In reality, communication methods are much more diverse. My own son was minimally verbal, but he communicated through gestures, sounds, and conveyed a wide range of emotions through the intonation of his cries. It was a comprehensive way for him to make his needs clearly understood. For him, speech was not necessary to get his point across.
Accepting your child’s autism diagnosis requires reevaluating your own preconceived notions and plans for how you envisioned your child developing. But it doesn’t mean your child has inherently changed or lost abilities overnight. As a parent, the most empowering role you can take is to expand your own boundaries and discover alternative forms of communication that uniquely fit your child’s needs.
So how can you work on expanding limitations? The first step is learning about the variety of nonverbal communication methods available. This includes sign language, using pictures or PECS, assistive speech devices, and more. An experienced speech language pathologist can guide you in determining what modalities may work best for your child’s abilities.
Next, consistently practice these techniques in a playful, engaging manner through activities your child enjoys. For example, use sign language during snack time to indicate “more” or “all done”. Or work on exchanging picture cards of preferred items during play. Therapy often focuses on building the foundations of communication in natural settings.
Over time, as your child has success expressing themselves through new channels, your initial fears about lack of speech will likely fade into the background. You will witness incredible breakthrough moments of your child mastering nonverbal ways to convey humor, desires, or rebellion even without words.
Jane’s Story:
Jane was a doting mother to her 5 year old son Caleb who had recently been diagnosed as nonverbal. She was crestfallen when the specialist said Caleb may never speak. Jane feared he would be unable to make friends or participate in class without speech. She lost sleep worrying over his future.
But Jane’s perspective shifted when she enrolled Caleb in a special needs preschool that focused on alternative communication. His teacher used sign language, picture cards, and an iPad speech device to help Caleb express himself. Jane attended trainings to learn these skills herself.
Soon, Caleb was signing “more” during meals and reaching for picture symbols of his favorite toys. One day, he handed Jane a picture of a park when he wanted to go out. She was moved to tears realizing Caleb could communicate beyond just crying when he needed something. He could make specific requests!
Jane saw that verbal speech was not necessary for Caleb to convey his wants, emotions, and opinions. Her outlook became much more hopeful seeing how quickly he learned new communication tools that tapped into his strengths as a visual learner.
Michael’s Story:
Michael was a single father who felt utterly lost when his 4 year old daughter Lily was diagnosed as low-verbal. Her limited speech made him worry she would never have a shot at independence. He regretted not recognizing symptoms sooner.
A behavioral therapist helped introduce PECS, a picture exchange system, to help Lily communicate. Michael diligently practiced it at home, rewarding Lily with snacks and toys when she used picture symbols correctly. After 6 months, Lily had a vocabulary of 50 pictures she could “say” to make requests.
One morning, Lily handed Michael a picture of her shoes, then pointed at the door when he was slow to understand. It clicked that she was asking to go outside. Michael was thrilled that for the first time, Lily was communicating a desire beyond just basic needs.
Michael realized speech was not the only way Lily could develop independence. Her success with PECS gave him hope she would have options to express herself and lead a self-determined life. He now felt excited, not worried, about her future.
Developing functional communication is a gradual process that demands patience and time from caregivers and children alike. But the rewards it brings are undoubtedly invaluable. Seeing your nonverbal child begin to convey their personality, share their worldview, and demonstrate intelligence through new communication channels can be astonishing and liberating for the whole family.
The key mindset is maintaining openness to new opportunities and letting go of preconceived expectations. Approaching your child with flexibility and creativity versus rigid assumptions opens the door to progress. There are so many possibilities for expression beyond speech. Unique combinations of strategies tailored to your child’s strengths can be uncovered.
You may worry your child will be excluded without verbal skills. But communities and schools are growing more inclusive, and technology is rapidly breaking communication barriers. Focus advocacy efforts on shaping an accommodating environment for your child.
And importantly, remember that lack of speech does not equate to lack of comprehension. Studies show nonverbal children understand vastly more language than they can produce. Underestimating their cognitive abilities is limiting. Presume competence.
Your child’s communication method may look different than you imagined, but their voice deserves to be heard. By embracing and celebrating their form of expression, you empower your child to share their inner world. There may be challenges ahead, but the joys of connecting authentically with your child make the journey worthwhile. Communication, in all its wondrous diversity, binds us together.